So today I was praying cuz I've really been struggling with dealing with people. It gets more difficult every single day. I feel shut out and I can't get back in. I've tried. So I was praying about it for like the hundredth time this week. And God showed me some stuff. So here goes.
          I walked by a picture that caught my attention for some reason. On it was written the verses from Ephesians 6 that describe the armor of God. And God showed me some stuff. First off, I was wearing the armor all along. I had worn it for quite a while. But I was taking pieces off when I fought against people and it was allowing them to harm my spirit. God told me that as long as I wear His armor, they cannot hurt my spirit. They may be able to put some dings in the armor, but they will never penetrate God's armor. They can only push me down, which brings me to the next point. When people in armor get pushed down, they need strong people to set them back upright. I needed to let those strong people set me back upright before I could do anything else. God is awesome and really spoke to me through that today. I feel so much better now! It's rejuvenating me!

          So the other day I was looking at Whitney's site and reading through her blog and I came across an interesting post. It spoke of a church in Jerusalem on the Mount of Olives. On the altar there was a picture of a hen with her wings spread and chicks were coming to her. It was referring to the verse in Matthew 23:37 when Jesus says of Jerusalem "oh how I long to gather you, like a hen gathers her chicks, but you were not willing." It really got me thinking cuz that is exactly how I am feeling right now.
          As a leader at MCGC, I can't force people to come to me to talk about the serious stuff in life. I long for them to want to talk to me about stuff, I truly do. I have never turned down the opportunity to speak with them, not once. But I get depressed when it comes to this becuz they choose instead to block me out. I have done nothing that would betray them or hurt them in any way. I spread my wings out as a hen, waiting for them to come to me. But the bitter truth is that the hen can't make the chicks come. The hen is left vulnerable in this state, but she does it anyway. Cuz she loves them. Just as I love my first years and want to see them succeed.
          The other point I am seeing happen is this: when a chicken is attacked, the first thing I see them do is throw up their wings, just as they do for the chicks. This is also how I feel the first year view me sometimes. Although I am spreading my wings to invite them in, they view it as an attack or as a defensive move. It is all in the judgment of the chick. As a chick last year, I saw the things my leaders did as attacks. Now that I look back, that order and discipline saved me from a world of trouble. They were spreading their wings for me to flock to them. I chose not to and I regret it. Now as a hen, I am suffering the same punishment I dished out last year. I have done nothing for them to fear me or hate me. But it happens anyway. They see me as an accuser. And I hate it.
          With that said, I don't know where to go from here. This was suppose to be words of wisdom, but honestly I'm the one in need of wisdom. In this situation there is nothing I can personally do to make it better. My wings are spread and I'm waiting for the chicks to come...if they ever do. I'm honestly losing hope that they will ever see me for what I really am. If any first years happen to read this, please take it to heart.

          When we read more about Saul, we all know that he was blinded by an intense light. This brings me to another point of life: sometimes we must be blinded in the physical to see in the spiritual. Jesus didn't just appear to everyone in Saul's group, He blinded Saul and appeared to him alone. When we wish to seek God, we must shut out our surroundings and truly seek Him.  We need to be immersed in His presense and not focusing on the people around us or even the preacher on stage. Our hearts desire must be to continually look for Him. We must ignore all distractions.
         There is another side to this however. I applied this blindness to the principle of fasting. Let me give an example. People I have known have fasted from secular music for a period of time. At the end of this time, they would realize just how awful secular music is. This, to me, is making yourself blind in the physical for a time so that you can see in the spiritual. A person shuts themselves off from, say secular music, only to realize from a spiritual standpoint just how much filth is in some songs. If you don't believe me, try it.

Sometimes we must be blind in the physical world to see in the spiritual world.

          The other night, I was reading the Final Quest and I came upon a quote that spoke of Saul's conversion. So I decided to read it in Acts. As I was doing so, God began to pour into me some of His infinite knowledge. I brought many different things away from this experience so I've decided to post about each one seperately, as each is sermon-worthy. So here goes with the first.
          Before I even get into any specific Scripture, I learned something from Saul. That is this: Life is not about each individual destination, it's about the journey. Saul was on his way to Damascus when he was blinded and commissioned by Jesus to spread the Word. He didn't get to Damascus first, he was on the way. He was on the journey. Saul's journey changed his life completely, not his destination. Too many times in life we are so focused on what comes next in our life. The next job, the next class, the next year of training. But what should always demand our attention is the current leg of the journey to get there. God uses the journey to a place to mold us to the people we need to be by the time we get there. Let's look at Saul again. His destination was the killing of Christians in Damascus. His journey changed his purpose, for when he got there, he was actually preaching and prophesying about God and Jesus. Saul had to be molded into how God wanted him before he could serve his true purpose in Damascus. Isn't it about time we take advantage of the journey and stop worrying so much about the destination? If we don't trust God to work on the journey, how will we ever trust Him when we arrive at our destination?

          As I told you before, I am reading the Final Quest. I have discovered yet another life-changing quote, very shortly after the one I posted before. It reads as this: "When men and women who dwell in such a place of darkness and evil with so little encouragement, not able to behold the glory but only having a hope in it, choose to suffer for that hope in which they can only see so dimly in their hearts, it causes even the greatest angels to bow their knee and gladly serve  these heirs of salvation". What a great statement! In the book, he had just seen the glory of God...in person! This statement was made by his guide. But it's so true! We don't get to physically see the glory of God. We hope to some day, but we can't actually see it. Yet we continue in our faith. That's exactly what Christianity is: faith that some day, Jesus' glory will be revealed to us. When we endure through the struggles of life because of that hope, the angels serve us. They serve us! What an amazing encouragement in the hard times of life!

          I have been on a reading journey for the last month or so. I have been reading through The Final Quest by Rick Joyner. What an amazing read! As I was reading, I came across this quote: "For His sake we must not quit until all have been recovered. As long as any are wounded, He is wounded." What a statement! As Christians, we always say that we care about every soul...but do we really mean it? Do we truly care about the people we pass in the grocery line at Wal-Mart or the people passing you in their cars? I really have been taking this into consideration lately. I have met many people in my life that I would really prefer not to minister to. What a sad fact! Jesus said that what we do to the least of this world we do to Him. Would I ignore Jesus? Of course not! Yet we continually fail to care for each member of our community. What a motivational thought!